Paul: "I am not an animal! I'm a human being!"
Dave: "So for a change, we're not the ones who get
Hokie segue music.
Paul Shaffer doing his famous imitation of Cher singing O
Dave: "Ya know, it must be obvious to even the most
casual observers that I get the answers to life's difficult
questions from the screaming voices in my head."
Dave: "Oh, geez, my back is out again! Paul, help! My
back is out!"
Dave: "We're the only thing on NBC right now."
Dave: "Now, kids, do us a favor and say hello to our good
friend Paul Shaffer."
Dave Letterman: "Uh, yesterday, ladies and gentlemen,
General Electric, the company that owns NBC... Ah, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha!"
Dave: "I know for a fact them radio waves is harmful."
Dave: "Yes, it's the haircut again, Paul. This is the
haircut that makes me look like I ought to be raking a yard
at a state facility."
Dave: "Yesterday afternoon we're doing our rehearsal...
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Dave: "This ain't no technological breakdown... This is
the road to hell. Ha, ha!"
Dave: "Ah, tonight ladies and gentlemen, the presentation
of our viewer mail, as always, is being assisted by the
Westinghouse Puma 206 Access Robotic Arm. Here it is, right
Dave imitating an audience member: "Who picks out your
ties? The same guy who cuts your hair?"
Dave: "Aw, screw you."
Dave: "Awww, screw you."
Dave: "Screw you!"
Dave: "Man alive, it's not even May, and already New York
City is clogged with shirtless fat guys."
Dave: "Ya know, for me, the best thing about being in
show bidness is being able to say, 'Show bidness.' "
Dave: "Hey, shut up, will ya??"
Dave: "On tonight's program, ladies and gentlemen, we
have something that's gonna make you sick."
Dave: "You've already seen that, and yet you still have
something sickening to look forward to."
Dave: "No, I'm not talking to you, hey, hey, I'll run the
show, all right? You just, you just sit there and be
entertained, okay?? Ha, ha, ha, excuse me -- I snapped for a
Dave in his sissy voice: "I believe I'm having some kind
Dave: "Please, someone hep me."
Dave: "I think there's something weasely going on."
Dave: "Steinbrenner sucks."
Dave: "Ah, tomorrow on the program, ladies and
gentlemen... that is, if we're still here -- Ha, ha, ha!"
Dave: "Oh, stop your whining or I'll come up there and
Dave: "All right -- Oh! We're going to do Stupid Pet
Tricks. We haven't done this in quite some time, and, uh,
you understand the gist of this. People and their beloved
pets, they come on, they do little stunts, they do little
tricks... This is only an exhibition, this is not a
competition. Please, as always, ladies and gentlemen... no
Dave: "You guys suck!"
Paul singing: "Supermarket finds, exchanging glances,
Paul playing the swami music for the Amazing Kreskin.
Sweet_little_cupcake.wavCLICK HERE TO GO TO LETTERMAN PAGE 4 OF 4
Little girl: "I'm a sweet little cupcake... baked by the
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