Dave: "Why, hello, girls."
Dave: "Hep me."
Dave: "Yes, sir, CBS, here we come."
Dave: "Hey, Hal, can you hear me in there?"
Hal Gurnee: "Yeah, Dave."
Dave: "It's Paul Shaffer's synchronized Jerry Lewis
Paul: "Hey, lady! Lady! Hey, Dave! Hey!" (etc., etc.)
Dave: "Hey, screw you. What the hell -- I don't need
Dave: "Hi, kids!"
Kids: "Hi, Dave!"
Dave: "Here's a hint from Heloise for ya -- Go screw
Paul Shaffer singing the theme to the Pie Chart segment.
Dave: "Free hot buffet, right after the show!"
Dave: "And, it's the reason Al Gore invented the
Janine Turner: "And then when I won that, I had to go to
Lumous ... I keep touchin' you on the knee. Yaahaha! Sorry!"
Dave: "Here we have the Ted Kennedy formula expressed for
us tonight in the Charts and Graphs segment. All right,
watch closely. Kennedy, plus Chivas Regal, minus pants,
equals top-notch television comedy."
Dave: "I like to think of myself as king of the rappers."
Dave: "Let me see some identification, ya little weasel!"
Dave: " 'You got a problem?' Okay, let's go, fat-ass!"
Phil Donahue: "What the hell is up with Letterman's
shoes? -- On the next Donahue."
Dave: "I don't believe there's a man, woman, or child
alive today who doesn't enjoy a lovely beverage."
Dave: "Does anyone have a lozenge?"
Dave: "I could do this all night, as a matter of fact. Ya
know why? -- I'm a machine!"
Howard Stern: "So I come out and I say, 'I'm Madonna, and
I love to shock. And what I'm gonna do... is pick a big
booger out of my nose.' "
Dave: "Congratulations, Skippy. You've got mail."
Dave: "Uh, I guess, uh, first week in January, Time
Magazine named, uh, their Man of the Year. Ted Turner was
named Man of the Year. And today, Time Magazine named their
Uncle of the Year... Ted Kennedy."
Dave dialing phone: "Oh, I've misdialed! Damn! damn!"
Dave: "Oh, boy, is my face red."
Dave: "My motto is: If you can't make 'em laugh, make 'em
Dave: "My parents were circus people."
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Dave: "Oh, by the way, my name is Dave, it's my show, I'm
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