Dave: "Uh, the category: Top Ten Signs You're a Dumb Guy.
Yes! Yes! At last! Something I'll understand!"
Dave: "Beat me up! I'm a little newt! I'm a weasel! Hurt
Dave: "If we're late, screw it. So we're late... Big
Dave: "Ya know, Bill Clinton, the governor of Arkansas,
because of all the trouble he's found himself in now running
for President, earlier this afternoon in Florida, Bill
Clinton was made an honorary Kennedy."
Someone: "Who do you think you are ... Bjorn Nitmo?"
Dave: "Oh, what a nasty bullet wound! Waaw waaw."
Dave: "I would stay here at NBC, I'd be happy to stay
here at NBC, but my heart says Buttafuoco."
Dave Letterman: "Calm down, Larry."
Calvert DeForest as Larry Bud Melman: "Shut up,
Letterman. Now it's time to taste the fury... of my rod."
Letterman: "Okay, close up the CBS mailbag."
Paul and the band sing mailbag theme song.
Letterman: "All right, thank you very much, Monte."
Letterman: "Let's open up the ole CBS mailbag."
Paul and the band play the mailbag theme song.
Letterman: "All right. Okay."
Dave: "Ya know, I don't care what people say. To me, Cher
is one hot lady."
Dave: "Get ready for real comedy fun."
Dave: "W-W-W, the web site, where you dial up on your
computer, where you log-on to the, uh, the, uh, the
Dave: "I wonder if there's a connection there... hyello."
Sfx when Dave throws a blue card through the "window."
Dave: "Have you seen Crispin Glover? Young actor? Kind of
Dave: "How we doing on time? ... Damn."
Bill Wendell: "David Letterman!"
Dave: "Paul, a little dialing music...(dials phone) Whew,
David Letterman: "But it might be fun to be a doctor,
don't ya think? Have you ever thought about that?"
Letterman: "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Letterman: "And, you're not a nurse. You're not a health
care worker at all. You don't help out around the doctor's
office, dentist's office... nursing homes?"
Dave: "Don't make me come up there!"
Dave: "Look, look what I have here in my right hand,
ladies and gentlemen. That's right, an assortment of dumb
ads. Paul, theme music, please."
Paul: "I have it... Dumb Ads! Dumb Ads! Yeah! Dumb Ads!"
Dave: "Easy on the eyes."
Dave: "Earlier today, for the first time, NBC named me
'Employee of the Month.' " (This is from the monolog of
the final episode of NBC's Late Night With David Letterman)
Dave: "Enema time!"
Chevy Chase: "For everybody!"
Dave: "According to this survey, the average woman has
sex 50 times a year... 45 of those times with a Kennedy."
Dave: "Fine. Good luck, Show Boy!"
Dave: "Flyin' monkeys is funny!"
Dave: "The space shuttle Discovery successfully deployed
a satellite earlier today, and it's up there for one reason,
and that is ... to keep an eye on the Kennedys."
Calvert DeForest as Larry Bud Melman: "My name is General
Larry Bud Schwarzkopf."
Dave: "Oh, I know, I know. You're giving me signals like
I don't know what I'm doing. Ha, ha! Can you imagine that?
Me not knowing what I'm doing? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Dave: "It's a glorious night here in studio 6-A."
Dave: "Should I have protective goggles on, or anything?
Because sometimes the birds go nuts and try to peck my eyes
Dave: "Ladies and gentlemen, we're desperately short on
time. Thanks for watching. Have a lovely weekend... Good
guaranteed.wavCLICK HERE TO GO TO LETTERMAN PAGE 2 OF 4
Dave: "A half inning, guaranteed, shut-out baseball, or
the tickets are on me."
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